- Onsie pajamas with sleeves that are skinnier than a baby fist.
- Sippy cups that leak.
- Unscented baby wipes. These butts need all the scent they can get!
- Toddler shoes with laces. Give me more velcro.
- Baby gates that are too complicated for adults to open.
- Children's toys that have volume settings. All children's toys should be set at LOW volume.
- Toys that talk if you touch them. Doesn't that scare the poop out of you when you trip on one in the middle of the night!
- Any toy with more than 3 pieces.
- Toddler pants with zippers and snaps. More elastic please.
- Strollers too wide to get in the door of a building (or buildings with skinny doors).
- The pillow pet. They without fail will come apart at the seams and leak fuzz all over your house.
- Light beige carpet.
- Couches with removable cushions.
- Children's washable markers. Washable--my big fanny!!!
- Lollipops. Candy on a stick is just a messy disaster waiting to happen.
- White countertops and white tile floors in kitchens.
- Red fruit drinks.
- Wooden stacking blocks. An obvious weapon.
- Sidewalk chalk--also known as wall chalk.
- Toys that are meant to be stuck to the refrigerator. What in the world do you want the kids in the kitchen for???
- Dining room chairs with fabric seats.
- Safety latches for cabinet doors that allow JoJo to get his arm inside, but not mine.
And the idiot who purchased all these items. Yep, that's me.